Change Sucks

But Richard stayed true to form. Perhaps he was incapable of change, of seeing me for more than what I was at the time.

I have to believe that we were happy once, in love even. There had to be a time before life swept us up and tossed us around as its playthings.

But now for the life of me, I can't remember that time clearly anymore. Perhaps we both changed, I always believed - especially during the epic sulk - that it was all his fault.

I was blameless, nothing more than a victim of his infidelity.  It was easier to think that Richard was at the core of our problems. But, now I know my thinking is different.

He is to blame, as much as I was. It's only taken eighty plus year of shit to grow up enough to admit I was wrong.

I digress. After he had left to return to his new lady-love, I went into the backyard and lit the firepit.

According to Bill, I couldn't take anything with me, so I burned the remainder of my favourite things. I tossed in a few of Richard's favourite things too.

What can I say? I was in a bitchy mood.

Change is Coming

That first night was rough; I was willing to accept the consequences. I had to leave with him, sneak away from home and all that I knew. Embrace change, a new life.

It was to happen on my birthday, I wouldn't say anything to Richard, and our day would end as normal. He would return to his business and new love. And I would join Bill for an introduction.

To a community that is small and apparently very select. I wore an outfit I loved and was completely breathless by the time he got to my front door.

 Of course, this isn't new information I'm sharing with you. But I'm embarrassed to admit what I did in the time it took him to get to my house.

Richard and I ate dinner, his favourite food even though it was my birthday. But he didn't know and certainly didn't appreciate the meal I laid out.

I attempted to get his attention, I flirted with him and laughed brightly at every small crumb he threw my way. But for him it was procedure, he gave no more than he thought necessary to maintan the farce of marriage.

If he had given me more I might have stayed. And this idea kills me, the could-haves.

Indentured Service

Of course, the bastard lied. But at this point, my experience was that all men lied to get their way. Woman manipulated, in case you thought I was overly sexist.

The catch is this, as he explained it to me:

"For a short time, Elza, a very short time you will perform tasks for the Manufacturers. Things that are within you scope of abilities."

I nodded, it sounded good so far, I could handle that sort of thing. Man, I was naive.

"You might even enjoy some of the tasks they present you with, and before no time at all, you will be able to find yourself able to move up in the organisation.  There is plenty of positions for people willing to do what it takes."

Ugh, I need to go shower...