How to Accept Change

I think I've stated before how I don't do well with change?

Now more so than ever. For eighty plus years I have had the same routine. Day in and day out. Sure, the tasks changed ever so slightly but not by much.

'SSDD'

And now everything is different. I have a grandson (who doesn't know it yet) living with me. And a man-alien that is threatening to consume my life.

What's a girl to do? Avoidance. 

With Asher being able to read my mind I attempt not to think. Not think about how bloody hot he is, or how much I want to drag him into my bed and have my wicked way with him. 

Or the sneakiest one of all, how he might be the one. The one to change everything, and how it doesn't actually bother me at all.

How's that going you ask? Well... 

Happiness and Peace

Do I deserve peace? I suspect not, but I yearn for it. My soul cries out for it. And in the early morning darkness that surrounds me, I fear that I will live forever and never find it.

As I watch ordinary people go about their business, I wonder about my choice. I ran away from Richard and his cheating ways. But more and more it seems like a handy excuse I took.

Of course, there was that other matter, but after all this time I wonder if Richard wouldn't have helped me. Surely, as his wife, he would have made a plan.

Isn't that what super secret government agencies are good for?

And so here I sit, watching people go about their business. The mundanity of everyday life for an average man or woman. Lost in thought over their smartphones and coffees. 

Are they happier than I am? Probably not, but I bet they get more sleep than I do.

What is Time?

Over the years, I have seen many movies regarding time and its mechanisms.

How time is fluid but it's static, or how a pebble tossed into the river of time makes no difference. No matter what we do, we can't change the past or affect the future. But, don't step on a butterfly because you'll alter things irreparably.

I cry bullshit; these are things said to make sense of our smallness concerning the mass of time. Sure, time is a tide pulling you in continually. In the grand scheme of things.

But having stood outside of time and enjoying the luxury of observing it undisturbed I can tell you a secret.

Time is moments, strung together around one thing. You. Me. In this, you are allowed to be selfish. This moment is about you, your perspective and your experience.

My past moments and future ones have been pulled tightly around me and I hold onto them all and only this moment exists for me. Because every moment that has been and will be, have coalesced into this one moment in time.

Now. All there is is this one moment in time. All there will ever be for me drawn around me.